Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist: Part 1

This video contains adult language.

I am a singer. I knew this when I was 3 years old. And when I was 33 1/2, I remembered.

There have been many factors that contributed to my late-bloomage, and one of those is the debilitating grip of perfectionism.

My mother tells me how I would erase holes in my paper in kindergarten when I got an answer wrong. A memory I have of that time is of a coloring page, a picture of a Native American with grapes, and proudly coloring those grapes in a circular motion, INSIDE THE LINES.

Get it right, Do it perfectly, You must be the best.

These were my subconscious mantras of perfectionism. Instead of appreciating my multitude of gifts and talents, I only wanted to be THE BEST at something.

And now, as I prepare to record a 5-song EP in the studio, there is still that voice whispering...

"You're not where you want to be. Your voice is not that great. You can be better. You're not ready. You don't want the world to hear your voice as it is now. You still have a long way to go. If they hear you now, they won't want to hear more."

The overpowering tendency to compare myself to others still lingers. The great judge and jury in my mind that tells me I'm not good enough still hands down judgement.

And so...

Even though I'm not where I want to be,
I am still FINDING my voice,
I don't LOVE everything that I hear (sometimes I even cringe),
I want to be better,
I wish that my voice sounded different RIGHT NOW...

Despite all these thoughts and misgivings, I share this video with you.... One of my favorite songs to perform. I know most of us can relate to the sentiment that Radiohead captured so perfectly in their lyrics and chords.

This is my journey.

*Special thanks to Ann Sheppard of Southeast Texas Music Movement for capturing this and other videos of local musicians and her commitment to the Southeast Texas music scene.

Hello, my name is Grace. Now what does that mean? I have no idea...but I want to learn. Here's a little story...I went to Chinese New Year this year with my dear friend Summer Lydick and her mama Micah. During this ceremony, you receive a prayer bracelet, much like a friendship bracelet from the priest at the Buddhist temple. When he ties it on your wrist, you make a wish for what you want to receive in the year. Then, when the bracelet falls off, your wish has come true.

This year, I wished for grace... So, I'm wearing my bracelet and wearing my bracelet, always a little reminder of grace near me. I accidentally cut part of it one time when I'm cutting some wristbands off, so I think it will fall off rather quickly. Nope, it stays around for a while. One day, I finally notice it's gone. And I realize it's been gone for a few days. I've also been noticing this thing, on the floor in my bedroom, lying there like a little piece of trash or something. I don't think too much of it, and I've been too busy to sweep, so it just stays there, small but noticeable. Finally, I get a few minutes and use my little hand broom to tidy up. I bend down to sweep up this little piece of trash and realize, there it is, my grace, here in front of me the whole time, in plain sight, in my room where I live, not lost somewhere out in the world, but close to me, just waiting for me to notice it. As a friend just told me, no more asking for it. Just claim it.

So, this is gonna be a quickie...as I was searching through style blogs for my other blog as a freelance fashion columnist with the Beaumont Enterprise (yay!), I happened along this beauty: Advanced Style.

Now, this is personal style. What an inspiration! I can't wait to continue developing my own style and hope to be as classy as these fab ladies!

New Year means New things

HAppy New Year!! You must imagine me saying that in a deepish jolly voice, cause that's how it sounds! So, being the perfectionist that I am trying not to be :), I normally attempt to post only when I have a photo to go along, to make it more interesting, ya know...But alas no photo today.

However, it is the beginning of the New Year, 2010. The perfect year. 10 is half of 20. A time for adventures and new things. A time for a blog post with no photo. Cause maybe just maybe, one person will read it and smile!! Even without a photo. And okay, I have to tell the whole story...I have been inspired by Julie and Julia. You know, the book that inspired the movie with Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. Which I haven't seen, but would now like to.

So, if you've lived under a rock, I'll fill you in a bit. Julie Powell is a real person who cooked her way through Julia Child's classic cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking (or MaTArOFCo, or something along those lines.) She blogged about her trials and tribulations in a very honest way, shall we say, in her own voice, potty mouth and all. All this she turned into a memoir/novel which I find very charming, and then it was turned into a movie. With Meryl Streep and Amy Adams.

So I'm doing all this in order that one day I may have a movie made about me. Maybe with Dakota Fanning. JUST kidding :) But really I do like to write, and it's the first day of 2010, so I thought what the heck. My beautiful fam is bugging me to go eat pork, cabbage, and cornbread with them...guess I should :)

May we all have an exciting year full of yummy food, family, and doing what we love. AMEN!!

Music and Makeup Movies

Beauty comes in many forms...My favorite of which is beautiful music.

If you are a lover of beautiful music, then you MUST go out and buy this album!!  And I do mean the album "O" by Damien Rice.  Not the I-tunes!  Because then, you would not be able to flip through the provocative and haunting images that he has created in the liner notes.

A couple of my personal faves on here:  Volcano, Blower's Daughter, and Cold Water.

Hopefully my lil' sis and I will eventually play Cold Water at Log On Open mic night!

Why is this album so necessary?  It is full of beauty, melancholy, and hope.  There are so many beautiful musical surprises that will astound you...the vocals are haunting and amazing.  The lyrics are powerful, simple, and true. The melodies, harmonies, and dissonance throughout will humble you and break your heart.

Mr. Rice has shared his soul and I hope it warms your heart as it has mine.  Go buy it today!!

And on another (non-musical) beauty note :)...Thanks to all for watching my Merry and Bright video this week!  I am the Elle Video Star for the week!!  OMG!!

Blogging Beauties

Hello friends! This is a very quick post, cause I gotta go get ready for my second job...BUT I just wanted to say hi! I am so inspired by my fave makeup blogger Kandee...she is actually in the lead for the Elle vid this week :) Just wanted to say, take a look at the videos! Somehow, mine got thousands of votes!! Who knows what's going on....but I won't complain :)

http://videostar.elle.com/videos/34160145001/merry--bright-everyday-holiday


And follow Kandee's blog here:

http://kandeethemakeupartist.blogspot.com/

The beautiful city of wind

And here are some images from one of my most fave cities...Chicago!  I have had the great fortune the past three years to go to a national Food Bank conference there, and I always have a great time!

I LOVE the architecture, LOVE the changing leaves in the fall, and the SNOW!  I also LOVE the fact that public transportation is so easy to use!  I was so proud of myself when I took the bus from my friend's street (with my giant suitcase), through town, to the train stop, and on the train to the plane!  And basically for FREE!  I purchased a 24-hour fun pass the day before and had used the value already in 2 bus rides!  Hello, Beaumont, at least put in some sidewalks :)

  And no...You are NOT dreaming, this is actually Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany's) and a real-life unicorn.  They were spotted out on the town the night of Halloween, oddly enough...

Thanks to my new friend Heather for opening her adorable home to me the last weekend.  I had a Mah-velous time dahling!  And if you've never been to Chi-town, go ASAP!!